POTTY TRAINING: TAKE 47
Just about at my wits’ end, with an almost-three-year-old, we implemented further change from last month.
After doing some reading, I decided that potty training, going to the potty, was OUR problem, not HERS. Once it becomes HER problem, then SHE will be the one to deal with all of it—including the consequences.
Madeleine is very strong-willed (but not, I think, to the extent of kids who get that Label) and independent. We decided to let her potty business be her business. So no more telling her to go potty, no more asking if she needs to go, no more forcing her to go (with some exceptions, such as before getting in the car). It would be ALL HER.
Which also means that if she doesn’t go to the potty, SHE is in charge of dealing with it. She changes her clothes, cleans up her mess, etc. It stunk having wet clothes again, but it was much less stress for me. If she was happy cleaning up pee-pee, then good for her. I didn’t get frustrated or upset or whatever. We just went with it.
With this system, it’s her problem, not ours!
How’s that working? Well, yeah, she’s getting really good at holding it and distracting herself from having to go. Does she have accidents? You bet. And we just clean it up and move on. Though, I have to say, there are fewer, since she’s just HOLDING until nap time or we have to get in the car.
And it is SO HARD not to talk about it. Watching her try to NOT go in her pants can be miserable—for both of us! Though the idea was to leave her alone about it, I am not perfect. When it’s clear she has to go, sometimes I still ask if she needs to go. She always, always says NO.
Finally, it occurred to me that maybe she really didn’t know she had to go. I mean, I know she’s smart, but maybe there’s some connection that hasn’t been made. I don’t see HOW, but anything is possible, right? Sure. So then we started talking with her about it a bit. We’d tell her, when she was doing the dance, that it was her body telling her it was time to go potty.
It worked once.
One time, Matt went and told her that he needed to empty his bladder.
It worked once.
Another time, I told her that if she held it too long, it could make her sick.
It worked once.
I explained that her bladder was like a balloon that got full of pee-pee, and it needed her to let the pee-pee out. I showed her a picture of a balloon, and it seemed to click. She went potty, quite pleased with herself, saying she was going to empty her balloon.
This worked maybe three times.
She even talked to her balloon, telling him she was going to empty him. Though, after those three times, she would tell her balloon that she would empty him later.
UGH.
When I asked her why she didn’t want to go potty, she said, “Because it’s not fun.”
UGH!
I now feel confident that she now KNOWS she has to go. She just doesn’t want to stop what she’s doing, EVEN WHEN SHE ISN’T DOING ANYTHING AT ALL. Whatever.
(deep breath)
Now, poop? Poop. After our trip to Florida for Christmas, we decided we’d go no diapers ever. “No more diapers for Madeleine!” She didn’t seem too bothered by it. She would wet her bed overnight, but she wasn’t waking up, crying out, or, most importantly, waking us up. (IS that awful of me to say?)
On day 2 of no diapers, I gave her a small dose of Miralax to help things along. I saw her doing a new kind of potty dance, and I was just done with watching her hold. I told her she had to sit on the potty for 10 minutes. She replied, immediately, “I won’t go poo poo.” I said, “That’s fine, but you’re going to sit for 10 minutes.” Surprisingly, she didn’t really protest. I’d anticipated at least a mini-fit, but she went straight to the bathroom and sat down. I asked if she wanted books, she said yes, so I left to get them. I pulled the first off her book shelf, and she said, “Poo Poo! I went poo-poo!” I sure didn’t quite believe her, so I got some more books and went in the bathroom.
SURE ENOUGH! She’d gone! YAHOO! We are over the hurdle! She got a ball in her jar (for her shopping cart), she got an Oreo (because we were out of M&Ms), and she got lots of hip-hip-hurrays. She told daddy, so proud of herself.
POOP IS CONQUERED.
Right?
HA. No. All she learned was what to watch for when she had to go really bad the next time. Though, I know this isn’t a conscious decision—on some level. The next day, before naptime, I said, “Let’s go sit on the potty.”
She was excited. She said, “I’ll go poo-poo!” I was thrilled; I’d only meant for her to go pee-pee, but hey, we’ll take it. I said, “Great!” She went in the bathroom, sat on the potty, and said, “First, I go pee-pee.” She went. “Then, I go poo-poo.” But she didn’t. She sat there a few minutes, then said, “Why isn’t the poo-poo coming?” I had no idea what to say. I asked her if she felt the poo-poo, she said yes. I tried to get her to relax and just sit there and wait, but she couldn’t do it.
And hasn’t since. Four days went without a poop, and her behavior reflected it. She just could not be still or relax. She got increasingly unpleasant, fussy, easily upset, etc. I finally just put her in a diaper because I did NOT want her to get constipated and for things to really digress. Oh, and during those 4 days, I gave her 2 doses of miralax. Talk about CONTROL! She refused to go.
And that is where we are now. We shall see what the next month holds.
A LIFE TRUTH & THE BEST THING EVER
I have come across a saying. “You can’t make them eat, sleep, or poop.” LOL, it is so true. All of these things have been, at some point, a cause of stress for me, and I’m working hard to change that.
[1] Madeleine’s sleep no longer stresses me, and I’m not that worried about Lincoln’s. So miracles do happen!!
[2] I’m discovering that, even though I’ve been trying to give HER the control with the potty stuff, I’ve let it be MY problem. It needs to be hers, and then she will learn. I’m in the process of letting go. I called the kids’ doctor about it, and he said to just back off a bit, diffuse the situation. When she has to poop, offer a diaper. She actually usually says no! She’d rather wear underwear, but she won’t go in the potty. SO……
[3] For food, I really don’t worry for a few reasons. One: I know I was picky, and now I like lots of foods. Not as many as most, but still more than I did. Two: because I have discovered the SECRET (for Madeleine) to try new foods.
So the best thing EVER began the day I asked Madeleine if she wanted to help me make dinner. She said yes. SHE LOVED IT. I try to let her do lots and lots of the process, as much as I can and still have dinner at the end. We get the recipe together and go to the fridge. I pull out the ingredients and hand them to her, and she takes them to the counter. It’s gotten to where I don’t have to name them anymore because she remembers. I’ll hand her a jar, and she’ll say, “Mayonnaise. Sour cream. Garlic.” Whatever. Then we just work together. I let her cut veggies with a dull knife (though this frustrates her because it is hard!), measure, pour. We talk about the food, what I’m doing, why.
And very early on, something wonderful happened: She asked to try things. Mayonnaise. Sour cream. Garlic. Soy sauce. Mustard. Vinegar. I never say no, except for the obvious things (like raw meat). Even the raw onion. I saw little seeds being planted and I encouraged it, encouraged her to go for it. I let her cut with me. She holds the knife while I do too, and she gets to feel it slice. I even let her touch raw meat. I realized, how is she going to trust food unless I show it to her in safe ways? I know that may seem silly, but I grew up not wanting to try new things—food or preparing it—and I don’t want that for her.
I plan to start varying our menu, since she is still so interested. She recently asked, when we had finished prepping dinner, if we could make more. I didn’t have anything at the time, but it got me thinking. I had an Amish Friendship bread starter in my freezer (that I’d forgotten about), so I got it out to thaw. We’ll be feeding it soon and then making it. And I want to get more fresh vegetables, so she can see that process, too. Right now, we mainly work on the main course, and I toss some frozen veggies in a pan to heat them when it’s actually dinner time. But once, we had fresh green beans, and she enjoyed snapping them with me. She liked seeing the inside of green pepper and peeling onion skin off the onion. I mean, how cool is that!? More veggies!!
Okay, clearly, I love making dinner with her. We do it during Lincoln’s first nap, so it’s just us, and we can really focus on what we’re doing. I see it being a special time for both of us as she grows up.
How does this touch on food in her life? The more she tastes and tries the ingredients, the more confident she will feel in trying the actual meal. Right now, she eats very little variety. Pasta with parmesan cheese, PB&J. Literally, those are her meals. Except breakfast, she’s a bit better there, eating oatmeal, cereal, frozen waffles. And she eats tons of fruit, she likes peanut butter (by the spoonful even), and yogurt. NO MEAT, still. Though she did try some deli turkey from one of our meals once.
I haven’t seen much fruit YET, but she keeps trying things while we prep, so at least she’s being exposed to new and different flavors and textures. More on this in the future, I’m sure!
FUN STUFF
Last month, Lincoln got to wear some underwear. This month, Ladybug joined the fun!
Madeleine has coined a new word for Layla.
Sniv: (verb) – whenever Layla sniffs something.
We love the library! We’ve been going more consistently to Preschool Time, and Madeleine really enjoys it. We look forward to Tuesdays now all week!
Madeleine has a chore to do around the house. She unloads the silverware from the dishwasher unto the silverware tray. Her only direction is to put the forks with the forks, spoons with the spoons, etc. Well. I love that every time I open the drawer after she does her chore, I never know what I’m going to find! Because she follows the direction, but mixes different spoons and forks and knives together. It is my favorite thing about chores.
When Matt and Madeleine got the tree last month, they also bought a neat, hand made wooden bird house. Matt put it up this month.
SANTA (SORT OF)
On December 15, we attempted to take Madeleine and Lincoln to see Santa. We met our friends the Chapmans at Marietta Square to stand in line with them, hang out, get pics with Santa. Well. We stood there for almost 2 hours and moved maybe 15 feet! We couldn’t stay due to nap times, but we still had a lot of fun anyway. We ate some yummy food (I can’t remember what exactly it was, some kind of savory, flaky croissant??), drank hot chocolate, and the kids got to play on the train. Much fun was had by all.
Madeleine really enjoyed playing with Manning in the big bell!
PLAY
Teddy has been a big draw lately. Also, Madeleine has been doing “homework” with her buddies this month. I think it came from the Berenstain Bears book, “Sick Days.” The cubs do their homework in the book.
[Side note on that: Madeleine will open this book and “read” the little rhyme at the beginning. “When cubs get sick and stay home from school, more work for Mama is the general rule.” It is so adorable when she says it! Anyway. Didn’t want to forget that.]
She would set up an old shoe rack on her table, put chairs up to it, and put some toys on the shoe rack. Then she’d invite me to do homework with her. Then she brought the game to her little kitchen. She’d put all of her chairs up, and … well, just see for yourself!
It was nice having Matt really HOME for a few days. One afternoon, he and Madeleine made a leaf pile in the front yard, which of course means much fun was had playing! In some of these pictures, she was “sleeping” in her nice, soft bed of leaves.
CHRISTMAS!
Last but certainly not least, this month included Christmas!
But before that, we took some quick pics of the kids by the tree. Classic, right?
The day before, we tried to take Madeleine to see Santa again at the mall. I stood in line for awhile, while Matt and the kids hung out around these little kid machine things that move, like the merry-go-rounds? I have no idea what these things are called…. Anyway, she got to ride in one. It didn’t do much, just went back and forth slowly while talking about delivering mail. It was just the right speed for her first time, though. Maybe next time she’ll try the rocket ship.
And here are some shots of “the night before Christmas.”
We were here for the actual day and had a nice time opening the presents from Papa Pete and SuSu. (I guess I didn’t take any pictures??? That doesn’t sound like me?? But I don’t have any pics from December 20-January 1. !! Now I’m sure that something happened to them. Much sadness.)
Next we looked through World Vision’s catalog, and Matt, Madeleine, and I each picked something out. It was neat, Madeleine wanted to give a lamb (not surprising). Matt picked fruit trees, I went with medicine. It’s crazy, because everything in the catalog is a need. It’s hard to choose WHAT to give. They have the option of donating to just the “most needed” fund, and I thought about that, but it was neat, too, for Madeleine to be able to say she gave someone a lamb.
We had a fun breakfast and just spent the rest of the day together. It was a lovely Christmas.
AT THIS POINT, I need to say something. I left the previous 4 paragraphs untouched to show just how important pictures are. I found a folder on my computer that held all the pictures we took from December 20-January 1 on my old camera. AND HOW IMPORTANT THEY ARE! I would have completely failed to talk about the cookies we made on Christmas day. And the icing on the 24th. And eating them. And sharing them. Thanks to my pictures, I remembered this big, fun, family event. So now I’m going to add in the pictures from Christmas day and a whole cookie subsection. Fabulous, right?
When I looked at the pictures from that day, I remembered something: Madeleine opened every single gift. And why shouldn’t she? But just about every one of the pictures is (not surprisingly) Madeleine opening a present. So I picked a few of the best and then the carnage after all was said and done. Oh, and Matt and Lincoln.
COOKIES!
Matt and I had the idea to make cookies. We’d done it before Madeleine was born for a party and thought it would be super great to do it WITH her. On Christmas Eve Day, we started with the icing. Madeleine had been making dinner with me regularly at this point, so we were a great team.
I was beyond thrilled to let her lick her very first beater!
And spatula…
Then later that day, after naptime, we colored the icing. I did my best to let Madeleine be in charge, which meant a few colors got a LOT of coloring. I also let her help stir the colors.
Then, after Madeleine’s nap, we worked together to cut the cookies and bake them.
Then we got to business.
Madeleine’s favorite color BY FAR was the deep, rich blue, and she used that on 80% of the cookies she decorated. At first, she tried other colors, but after a certain point, she just stuck with the one she knew. This was also one of the colors that got over-dosed with the food coloring, as these next and last pictures from a few days later demonstrate:
We had a BLAST working together, and I’m sure this will become something of a tradition. On the day after Christmas, we boxed up our best cookies and took them to some neighbors. We went to the home of one spunky elderly lady who was just delighted at the kids. She even gave Madeleine some little purses and stuffed bears to take home!
MORE FESTIVITIES
Then came time for the big trip to Florida! We decided the best way to do it would be to drive at night. This would cut down the number of stops (not having to feed Lincoln every 2-3 hours, change diapers, etc.) and we could get to FL, put the kids right to bed, and be ready for the next day. We’d have help the next day, which would be great since we’d be super tired from the late drive.
On December 30, we loaded the car, got the kids in PJs, fed them dinner. Lincoln nursed, got wrapped, and Matt did his bedtime routine. Madeleine and I waited in the car. Instead of going down in his crib, Lincoln went into his car seat. He maybe peeped once and passed out. Madeleine had a nap that day, so she wouldn’t be ready for sleep for some time.
This is where it got interesting. At “bedtime,” a bit later than usual, we did an abbreviated sort of routine for her, then said good night. We didn’t talk to her, but she wanted us to sing. So we did that for awhile. She FOUGHT going to sleep (again, no surprises there). I held her hand for a bit, and she finally fell asleep. It was tenuous at first; if she stirred, I had to hold her hand again until she drifted back off. Eventually, she was good and asleep. We had to stop for gas though, and they both woke up.
Once we got to Tampa, Lincoln went right into his bed, Madeleine to hers. They both woke and it took them awhile to get back to sleep. We all lived. And then caught up on sleep the next day!
Sleeping arrangements in Tampa were interesting. Madeleine was in the room with Matt and I, on a little crib mattress on the floor. Interesting. I think that probably contributed a little bit to the crazy sleep, but also it was just everything. I really enjoyed taking a nap that first day. I went in with Madeleine (somehow the stars aligned so that Lincoln didn’t need me!?) to help her sleep and she ended up sleeping in the bed with me, right beside me. It was a RARE treat and I enjoyed every moment I was awake with her so close.
Our time in Tampa was wonderful. We got to see most of the family, open presents, play games, build Legos. You know, the usual. There were many good times had with Lola’s giant stuffed bear.
The Tampa Loot Tree
Some random images from the Shredding
Even Layla got in on the action thanks to Uncle Wes and Lola!
Madeleine really enjoyed her time with her cousin, Lola. Lola was super sweet and patient with Madeleine, wanting to spend time and play together. It was really neat to see! They even took a bath together one night.
They really are playing together!
Madeleine and Muffin really hit it off! It was amazing. Apparently, he does NOT like children, but he allowed Madeleine to enter his Personal Space. He let her pet him, be near him while he ate! She adored him and wanted to go visit him as often as possible. This meant lots of trips to the potty with no fussing, and that was a wonderful break!
Sleep in DeLand was more typical. Madeleine was on an air mattress in the office. Lincoln in a PNP in Wes’ room, where Matt and I also slept. We just snuck into bed, quiet as mice. LOL.
One day, Matt and Wes took Madeleine and Lola to a park nearby. Much fun was had by all, and Poppi joined them for the last hour. Here are some sweet shots.
Madeleine!
One of SuSu’s presents was a collaboration between myself, Mimi, and Madeleine. The idea was to give her a pint of buttercream icing in a paint can. It was truly a gift of love, as Madeleine helped Mimi make the icing!
We stayed there until January 3, when we drove to DeLand. Russ’ awesome plan was for all of the kids and grandkids to surprise Papa Pete, who had his last day in court that day. It was super neat, and Papa Pete was certainly surprised! We watched a few of the cases, then I took the kids home for their naps. Neither of which went well (or at all [Madeleine!]).
The next day was a party at the courthouse for Papa Pete’s retirement. We all went, ate some delicious food, and got to hear some awesome speeches about the man of the day. It was really neat to hear so many people speak well of him, and I LOVED what he read from the day he was sworn in.
The rest of the day, and the next, were spent having lots of fun with family.
COUSINS!
Madeleine loves reading and being read to (I’m sure you’re all stunned at this revelation). I enjoy getting pictures of her (and Lincoln) being read to by family. Here is a neat series.
And here is SuSu giving Madeleine a bath in her sink! First she’d bathed Lincoln, but I don’t think I got a picture of that…
It was super fun hanging out with Papa Pete and SuSu. Their big huge bed was a big hit with Madeleine!
We went to a playground in DeLand so Matt could visit with an old friend, Marc.
Some general play pictures. She really liked that little rocking chair!
I snapped some pictures of Madeleine with Papa Pete, learning about batteries in his workshop.
Then it was time to head home! We left on Saturday, January 6th in the evening again. Both kids slept a little better the second time and recovery was a bit easier. When we need to travel far distances again, we will DEFINITELY drive at night!
BIRTHDAY
Much of the remaining time this month was spent working on Madeleine’s third birthday party. We decided to focus a lot on birthdays this year, so we are trying to make them really special. Madeleine is the only one who’ll really benefit this year (we won’t do something big for Lincoln), but we want to start the tradition. You’ll get ALL the details about the birthday party soon(ish), but not in this post, because January 14 (and the party date of January 19) belong in YEAR 4. WOW. And, with that, I’ll sign off!
FUN PLAY
Reading with some buddies
PICS OF BOTH OF THEM!
Mama with her babies!
Madeleine was the mastermind behind this one:
Reading with Daddy
Good times on the monkey gym!
LOOK AT THEM! So precious!
And finally, some quality time together on the brown rocking chair.
And, since this blog will transition a bit into general family once I’m done with this entry, here are a couple of cool pictures I snapped one morning when the lighting was super neat.
That's hilarious about the balloon. I will read more later.
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